This doesn't ring true to me. IMO, most men don't feel a lack of...
· Comment — Avens O'Brien's post · View on Facebook · Markdown source
This doesn't ring true to me. IMO, most men don't feel a lack of friends or confidants. Men have enough trouble keeping up with the male friends they already have. What most men lack is sex and physical affection. And hetero men can only get sex and physical affection through women. When a woman puts a man in the "friend zone", the woman gets what she wants (companionship, a shoulder to cry on), whereas the man doesn't get what he wants (sex, physical affection). The analog for women is the "booty call zone". Suppose a woman (Jen) wants a marriage, kids, a long term relationship with a man (Sam). If Sam tells Jen that he only sees her as a booty call, should she continue to bang him, in the hopes that he will change his mind? No. Sam's getting what he wants, but Jen's not getting what she wants. She's wasting her time with him. It's the same thing when a woman tells a man she wants to be "just friends". Men have limited amounts of time and energy to put into finding a sexual partner. The most promising women get "suitor" levels of attention. When a woman tells a man she wants to be "just friends", she's telling the man that she doesn't find him attractive enough to bang him. Therefore, it doesn't make sense for him to continue to invest "suitor" levels of attention in her. Of course, many women don't realize they've been getting "suitor" levels of attention. They think they've been "friends". And so they see no problem continuing to use the guy as an emotional dumping ground. However, being an emotional dumping ground for an unrequited love is generally painful. It's a torment to watch a would-be love lavish physical affection on the men she actually wants to bang. It's infuriating to be seen only as the dumping ground for her problems (especially those involving her boyfriends). Therefore, men with healthy boundaries don't let themselves waste their life hanging around women who don't want them in the futile hope that they will change their mind. Instead, they devote their time and attention to finding women who actually want them.